The Question of Suffering – part 2: poems


Hidden dimensions

 

My first son Hassan

Was born on April the 9th

 

You might think

So what… why are you saying it

With such a gloomy tune

What is wrong with 9th of April?

 

You have to be a Palestinian

To understand

For on the 9th of April 1948

The massacre of Deir Yassin

Took place

Where every man women and child

Of that peaceful farming village

Was killed in cold blood

No one survived

Except those

Who pretended to be dead

 

As we celebrate the birth of a new born

With joy

We mourn and grief

Lost loved ones

 

In our midst

Nothing comes insular

Nothing is disjointed

No single colours

 

The fabric of our lives

Makes the most amazing tapestry

 

If you hold it backwards

Looking at the wrong side

You’ll see a mirror image

Of shades of a blurred picture

With loops… knots and fraying thread

If you turn it over

It looks much neater

But still you can’t actually see

The full picture

Only colours and shadows

 

But hey… take a little time

And walk backwards

Further back

Look at the tapestry

From a distance

 

You will be amazed

With its outstanding beauty

All these murky shades

That didn’t make sense to you

Even disturbed you

When you were near

 

From far

These dark shadows

Are precisely what makes this piece

So unique

So spectacular

 

These unfathomable hues

Is what give our life portrait

Its depth

And hidden dimensions

 

Since that day of 1948

Many… many babies were born

On April the 9th

 

Our joys are always stained

With hints of sorrow

 

Our sadness is always coloured

With hues of hope

 

Without which

The tapestry of our lives

Will never be complete

Won’t be as rich

Or as beautiful

 

Don’t waist much time

Staring at the wrong side with fury

Turn it over… walk further back… and feel the glory

 

01-04-2006

****************************************************

Bad things! Good things!

 

 

You should be more assertive

You should have more confidence

In your skills

And your strengths

 

People say

 

But I am truly aware

Of my abilities

I can surely judge

What I can or can’t do

 

I am also aware

Of my flaws

And believe you me

They are so… so many

 

But I am not ashamed

Of my weaknesses

Despite their vastness

They are there

For a reason

 

They keep me in my place

So I don’t grow bigger

Than my own shoes

 

I love my weaknesses

I love my defects

 

Thank you God

For all my imperfections

 

Thank you for my fears

 

For without them

I could live my entire days

Without ever appreciating

How safe my life is

 

 

Thank you for my worries

 

For without them I can never

Fully enjoy peace of mind

And tranquillity

 

Thank you for my pain

 

For without it

I can only imagine

What others go through

 

Thank you for my grief

 

For without it

I cannot sincerely feel

 The heartache of others

How else can I ever

Learn genuine empathy?

 

30-03-2006

******************************************** 

Bliss and beyond

 

A state of delight

Blissful pleasure

Contentment

 Tranquillity

Enchantment and joy

 

If people knew how it feels

They would’ve fought for it

With arms and teeth

 

No privilege

No adversity

 

No gain

No loss

 

No health

No pain

 

No achievement

No catastrophe

 

No triumph

No defeat

 

Can Annihilate

Or nullify

 

 

Passionately… with a heartfelt desire

 

 I want to share

 

22-04-2006

**************************************************

Beyond

 

This love I have for you

 

Holds me, lifts me, carries me through

 

When all is dark

 

When pain is deep

 

When love is scarce

 

When friends are few

 

This love I have for you

 

Holds me, lifts me, carries me through

 

 

September-2005

********************************************

Is it really cruel?

 

People say

What happened to you

Is so cruel… so unfair

To have to lose khaled

 In such an awful way

When you are so much in love

 

I say it is very painful

But not at all cruel

Death is nothing

But a gate way

Everything dies

Everyone dies

Why should I

Be the exception?

 

His journey ended before mine

That’s all

And soon I’ll follow

 

It’s only a matter of time

Before we are together again

We come to life

 Only for a while

 

Also… the law goes

The higher you fly up

The greater is your fall

 

The law goes

The more intensely you enjoy your love

The more painful is your sorrow

This only fair

For some live and die

Without experiencing real love

And I’ve experienced all

It’s not cruel to give something back

 

And to feel more pain

Is not unfair

27-03-2006

****************************************************

  With You I am OK

 

Dear Most Compassionate

Show me the truth

As true

And help me follow

 

Show me falsehood

As false

And help me avoid

 

Help me… say the truth

Help me… do the truth

Help me… think the truth

Help me… feel the truth

 

Dear Most Kind

I am lost

Without your guidance

 

Frail

Without your support

 

Miserable

Without your company

 

Dare I run away from You

Except towards You

 

Is there a place to hide from You

Except under your wings

 

The world has wronged me

Forsaken neglected and ignored

Held me responsible as the victim

Declared me guilty while innocent

Put me on trial although oppressed

Imprisoned me for being abused

 

An abandoned child

Blamed for… being…

 

But if You are pleased with me

I can take it all

Nothing else matters

  13-05-2006

 

***********************************************

The rescue

 

Deep… deep inside…

In the land of sorrow… where I reside

Where only pain reigns

While… passion is resistance

Love grows rebellious

And hope is defiant

 

Grief runs deep

Cutting through hills and mountains

In the caves and underground

Far beyond my reach

 

It was raining agony… that day

Restless… agitated… weighed down

Haunted by my nightmare

You’re never coming home

 

Looking up… into sky

Yelling for help

While the soul murmurs

Here I am God… exhausted… give me your hand… come to my aid

Here I am God… full of sorrow… and anguish…ease my pain

Here I am God… hurt and tired… help me…hold me… heal me

Here I am God… lonely… be my friend and companion

Here I am God… lost… guide me… show me the way

 

And like a dazzling morning at the crack of dawn dispelling all darkness

Like gentle rain drops drizzling over a parched piece of land

Like a rainbow flowing piercing through thick murky clouds

Like sweet scent of love drifting capturing your heart

Like a velvet ruby rose blooming right before your eyes

Like a soft warm blanket in a cold winter night

Like a tender mother’s hand stroking her child

I felt

God’s loving-hand

 

Then…

Then this sweet… sweet comfort

Gently overwhelming

Lovingly embracing

Tenderly holding

Magically transforming

That distressed soul

And troubled heart

 

And in this land of sorrow

Suddenly

Pain is overthrown and Passion regains again

And sweet… sweet comfort falls down as rain

Calm descends

Serenity prevails

Tranquillity enfolds

Joy blooms

And sweet… sweet comfort falls down as rain

 

18- 09-2006

One Response

  1. Your clothes..your hijab..the flowers and the scenery are just ohh so pretty…makes me wondering with questions “did you hand-made your clothes and hijab or you bought them..”, “where is that beautiful scenery located..” it feels so luscious and green and flowery.. and boy how cute and handsome your son when he was young and your beautiful calm face Sis Nahida.. i just adore all your pics it feels like party to my eyes

    Like

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