Absurdities


BRAINTEASER

Look,

What a viscous “antisemitic” Palestinian apple, trying to bite the poor innocent knife and crunch its bones to pieces

Save the knife from being “ethnically cleansed”

.

Nahida Izzat's photo.
 *  *   *

BRAIN-TWISTER

Zionism is Jewish Nationalism

“israel” is the Jewish state

“israel” is committing Ethnic Cleansing, Genocide, War Crimes and Crimes Against Humanity

BUT

All the above has absolutely nothing to do with Jews, Jewish people, Jewishness or Judaism

OK ?

.

Nahida Izzat's photo.

Imagine This !


With the “good” example of Balfour Declaration as a precedent,

IMAGINE THIS:

Nahida, Exiled Palestinian Declaration

Nahida, Exiled Palestinian [who has been languishing in exile for decades, along with millions of exiled Palestinians] view with favour the establishment in Britain of a national home for the LGBT people [who have been denied the right to express a national sovereignty and denied the right to exercise their cultural, political and national identity and aspirations as an oppressed and persecuted minority].

Exiled Palestinians will use their best endeavours to facilitate the achievement of this object, it being clearly understood that nothing shall be done which may prejudice the civil and religious rights of existing non-LGBT communities in Britain, or the rights and political status enjoyed by LGBT in any other country.

Exiled Palestinian, will go a step further and promises to give:

State of California to Yemeni people
State of Colorado and Kansas to Afghan people
State of Georgia to Pakistani people
State of Texas to Iranian people
States of Mississippi, Alabama and Georgia to Iraqi people
States of New Mexico and Arizona, to Mexican people
States of Washington, Oregon, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Iowa, South Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma to Black African people
States of Nevada, Utah, Arkansas, Missouri, Kentucky, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Michigan, Indiana, Illinois and Florida to South American people,

Furthermore, Exiled Palestinian promises to give:

France to Algerian people,
Germany to Turkish people,
Spain to Moroccan people
Italy to Libyan people
Finland to Zambian people
Russian Federation to left-handed people
Finland to Red-Haired people
Norway to people who like spaghetti and apple Juice

Exiled Palestinian invites people of FB vote for this Declaration please .

(Disclaimer: this is of course a satire)

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After the War on Terror;


A Memo to Palestine Solidarity Movement:

Join the  Global War for combating Antisemitism

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[Note: This article is a Satire]
Some of our supporters, being at the helm of social progress, are determined to lead our Palestinian Liberation Movement away from racism, fascism and antisemitism, and to protect it from becoming a hub for ugly racist antisemites.
They work tirelessly to prevent the movement from falling prey to the monster of Jew-hatred; a crime most heinous, a sin most grave and the most abhorrent atrocity humanity has ever committed. So they aim to keep their movement perfectly in line within Jewish-love, Jewish-admiration, Jewish-exceptionalsim, Jewish-preferentialism  and Jewish-interest. They invest great time and effort in furnishing  their arguments with Jewish-quotes, validate their case by using Jewish-sources, and fending off accusations by inviting Jewish-speakers, Jewish-historians, Jewish-refuseniks,  Jewish-heroes and Jewish-holocaust-survivals. Thus making sure before conducting any activity that the answer is always YES to the question “Is it good for the Jews?”, and the answer is most differently NO to the question “Is it “antisemitic”?”

Commendable efforts.

To help the Solidarity Movement expand and improve their efforts of combating antisemitism, here are some recommendations and points for consideration:
  • It is crucially important for any supporter of Palestine to understand that the road to liberation of Palestine runs through Auschwitz, thus Holocaust Education as founded and presented by the Establishment with all its components and its very specific narrative must become compulsory requirement for any activist for Palestine.

Therefore, I recommend that the Solidarity Movement would  join Muslim leaders in attending and promoting courses in “Holocaust Education”  to help bring awareness to the public and help Palestinians and their supporters understand and open their hearts to the immense suffering of  holocaust survivals and their “decedents Israelis”. Comprehending the awfulness of this chapter in history would make clear to the world the need for a Jewish homeland and the necessity of securing the future of the poor descendents of holocaust survivors in Palestine. Understanding this tragic history with all its horrors (such as their ancestors having been turned into soap, leather-bags and lampshades) would explain the craving for survival of this perpetually persecuted minority. It would raise public consciousness and open their eyes to the importance of the defence and security of Israel. Studying the Holocaust would enable Palestinians to become more humane and thoughtful. They would learn to show a little more compassion, forgiveness, grace and hospitality, thus giving more concessions and land to the poor descendants of holocaust survivors, bringing the Palestinian problem more quickly to an end. “Two people, one land” would sound great: the finalization of the Zionist project, in protecting and securing the future of the poor descendants of holocaust “survivors” in Palestine, would be considered a mitzva. It would also enable Palestinians rise above their perceived suffering, forget about the so called Nakba and  understand Israel’s incessant emphasis on issues like peace and non-violence thus it would no doubt accelerate the resuscitation  of peace process which Palestinians have been blocking and obstructing for decades. 305866_10150392234048360_290539813359_8207981_1218298086_n ………………………..

  • Equally important is the comprehension that in order to best help save the oppressed one must never ever hurt or offend the oppressor… EVER especially if the oppressor was of a specific, endangered and protected background.
  • Most critical of all is for people to understand that the battle for freedom can only be fought and won through fighting antisemitism. It is simple: The Palestine Liberation Movement is all about fighting antisemitism.

Fighting and winning the battle against antisemitism should be number one priority for Palestinians fighting for their liberation. No other way. After all, antisemitism, is a specific form of racism. The Holocaust a specific form of atrocity: older, uglier, more widespread, more violent and more repulsive than all other forms of racism, being against a specific chosen people. Thus, studying, commemorating, cherishing, revering and mediating upon the evilness of such an event should become mandatory for every human being, making it an article of faith and glorification. Therefore, any questioning, doubt, denial, minimization or trivialization; big or small, in public or in private, in sickness or in health, in poverty or in wealth, in joy or in misery, openly or in secret, in consciousness or in subconsciousness, waking or in dreaming, is a crime which should be mercilessly and severely punished. The world needs “specific and targeted policies to eradicate Holocaust denial and trivialisation“,  the world needs global “ Law enforcement Programme LEOP” as “a model initiative consisting of an international cadre of expert police officers training police in several countries”; to ENFORCE the ERADICATION of  “illegal anti-Semitic discourse”. . But what exactly constitutes “illegal anti-Semitic discourse”?

  • .Is reading / writing/ talking about the extreme Jewish Right with its ideological supremacy and anti-gentilism considered “illegal anti-Semitic discourse”? Of course it is.
  • Is writing about organizations, institutions and high-profile individuals and seeing their activities as a part of a global network which aims to protect and support the Jewish state, is that considered “illegal anti-Semitic discourse”? Of course it is.
  • Is discussing racist, anti-human dogmas and belief systems found in some religious Jewish books, is that considered “illegal anti-Semitic discourse”? Of course it is.
  • Is trying to investigate the background of some influential people who are zealous supporters of the Jewish state, and questioning their loyalty considered a form of “illegal anti-Semitic discourse”? Of course it is.

For example, when it was revealed that David Cameron had asked the Jewish community to “make a noise  over Hizbullah, to help him persuade the EU to ban it as a “terrorist organization”, was asking the question whether David Cameron’s Jewish background relevant in shaping his political views with regards to “Israel”, a blatant case of antisemitism?

Such a question is, of course, “racist” and totally forbidden. Of course, Palestinians should not concern themselves whether the Prime minister of Great Britain, or any other world leader for that matter, is of Jewish background or not: this is an irrelevant matter and has nothing to do with their loyalty or affiliation. Their Jewishness has nothing to do with their views about Palestine and the Jewish state.

Their loyalty should never be questioned: the subject of “conflict of interest” is merely a new form of antisemitism and has nothing to do with whether they would be fanatic supporters and protectors of Israel’s interests or not. Palestinians and their supporters are anti Semitic if they dare to ask such racist questions. It must be understood by every activist that fighting antisemitism is number one priority in the movement, thus attending conferences such as this conference is highly recommended.

By joining the Global forum for combating Antisemitism  activists will expand their horizons,  enrich their understanding, and fine-tune the real meaning of antisemitism thus enable them to participate in eradicating “antisemitism” once and for all.

Palestinians would really “appreciate” and “thrive” from such cooperative step. At this critical juncture in our human history,

Whereas, we watch the terrifying effect of legalized new global antisemitism; Whereas, we witness the racism, vilification, ostracization, stigmatization, shunning and demonization imposed upon Jewish communities world wide;

Whereas, we observe with horror the number of wars, atrocities, savage attacks and hate-crimes committed against world Jewry simply because they are Jews;

Whereas, we realize the utter impotence, paucity of means and lack of power and  to stand up and protect themselves from world savagery;

Whereas, we notice the extreme poverty, hardship and deprivation suffered by most members in those communities;

Palestinians and their supporters must act promptly and immediately to protect and ensure the safety and well being of Jewish communities. They must, as a matter of urgency, consider joining forces with  ADL and add their voices to Netanyahu,  to prove without a shadow of a doubt their “anti-anti-semitism”, affirm their humanism, anti-racism and anti-apartheidism, thus bringing the liberation of Palestine closer and allowing Palestinians to finally taste freedom, restoration of rights, peace and security.

Considering the struggle of Foxman’s ADL against the New and Improved version of antisemitism, and in appreciation for his relentless efforts to fight and curtail that rampant malevolent disease which -for no particular reason- has been sweeping the globe recently, and due to the  financial difficulties  currently faced by ADL and its  severe lack of funds and resources, the helping hands of Palestine supporters would go a long way in improving the good work of Foxman’s agency, by astutely fighting antisemitism with more vigour and more determination to the point of utter eradication.

Activists must raise their voices and sign the London Declaration on Combating Anti-Semitism. They must take immediate action by participating in the  Global forum for combating Antisemitism without delay. Remember that Islamized Hollywood, the powerful Moozlem lobby and Arabized Main Stream Media with its relentless antisemitic programs, articles and movies, is promoting Moooozlims and Izlam by inciting hatred against Jews.

This malevolent form of racism is growing completely out of hand: every effort on your part to stop such racism will no doubt accelerate the end of the suffering of Palestinians, bringing them freedom and making their dreams a reality. Sure. .

 

It is tragic, but one must acknowledge the fact that Moooozlims do control our Education system. They prevent students from learning about the Holocaust and the history of Jewish suffering. They prevent the world from knowing about the endless bombing of innocent Israeli and non-Israeli Jews by millions of rockets, and the astronomic amount of anti-Jewish hate crimes erupting in every little corner of the world. In such difficult times the ADL would sure appreciate your moral support and your cash $$$$$.

 

Now, how best to Help Palestinians and how to solve the problem of Palestine?

An advice to Peace Activists who support Palestine

1) First and foremost, activists must remember to hunt down all the hidden mouth-frothing antisemites, and expel them from the Palestine Solidarity Movement.

2) When activists organize an event, they must explain to people and ensure that they distinguish between Zionism and Judaism:

There is not even one single common letter between the two, look: Zion, Jew. Nothing, strictly, absolutely nothing in common. There is nothing Jewish, absolutely nothing Jewish, about Zionism. Period.

ZIONISM: defined as a racist nationalistic movement which claims to be Jewish-nationalism but in fact has absolutely nothing to do with Jews, Jewish ideology, Jewishness or Judaism.

JUDAISM : defined as a universal anti-tribal religion/ multi-ethnic race/ a mysterious mysticism / a rich-folkloric culture deeply soaked, sorry rooted in chicken-soup/ tragic yet miraculous history and a perpetual and unmatched suffering/ un-exceptionalist/ un-elitist/ un-exclusivist/ un-chosen/ universalistic/ humanistic/  a light unto the nations/ radiant and morally-inspiring moral code, which cannot be scrutinised or criticised under any circumstances.

3) Palestine is not the “Promised Land”, and “Next year in Jerusalem” chanted at Seder, refers only to a Heavenly Jerusalem in Venus or maybe Mars, I forgot.

4) To consolidate the lesson, elected leaders may encourage activists
and lay-persons to invoke the phrase “Zionism is not Jewish” as a daily prayer repeated as many times as possible. They should ensure that people differentiate between the un-racist Israeli society, and its racist government.

5) They should spare no effort in convincing people that by claiming to support Palestine and Palestinians, they mean opposition to Zionism only, not opposition to Zionists or G-d forbid, not opposition to Israelis. No, no, we cannot have that, because our battle will be over as soon as Israel makes the bombastic declaration that it abandons Zionism.

6) The claim that Zionism now is meaningless and irrelevant  is itself irrelevant. .

7) Help Palestinians to become realistic and to stop dreaming of Liberation: remove the word from their vocabulary.

8) Explain to Palestinians that their aims are one and the same with the aims of Israelis

9) There is no difference whatsoever between what Israelis have planned for the region and what Palestinians are aspiring for.

10) Help Palestinians to see that their aspiration of Liberation is unrealistic and a cause of grave injustice to Israelis: they will then abandon their own aims and instead support your solutions, your aims and your future vision for the region. Persuade them to fight for Israel’s abandonment of Zionism, nothing more.

11) Help Palestinians to see the  human face of the Israelis who ethnically cleanse them. Help them understand that “Israelis” are here to stay, so that they can lump it or leave it. How can Peace be achieved if Palestinians insist on Liberation and keep alienating “Israelis”?

12) Activists: make it clear to Palestinians that you are opposed to the so called “legitimate” armed resistance, and that you only approve of peaceful non-violent action.

13) Explain to Palestinians that the best solution to their problem is to work on softening the hearts of Israelis to give them time to expand their territory and annex the entire land of Historic Palestine, enabling Palestinians to gain Israeli citizenship, which would allow them to fight the apartheid policies more effectively from within as nth-class Israelis. .

14) To humanize and moralize Palestinians and to prevent them from turning into antisemites, and from hating their tormentor, teach them about the 2000 years history of persecution of Jews, the holocaust, the human-skin lampshades, the human-fat soap, the shrunken heads of experimented upon Jews… etc

See, by revering Holocaust and by fighting Antisemitism, making this battle our number one priority, we solved the Israel-Palestine conflict with a strike of a pen, in a blink of an eye!

BINGO

 

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[Note: This article is a Satire]

Ooops, I just Committed a Thought Crime!


[Disclaimer: This article is SATIRE]

(This is my thought)
|
|
\/

Oops … what did I say!

What was I thinking?

Where was my head?

What have I done!

Sorry, I beg your pardon, I profusely apologize

How dare I entertain such an “evil” and blatant “anti-Semitic” thought?

How dare I ask such a “controversial” question?!

Let me take a deep breath, clear my mind, gather my senses back and start again:

O MY O MY… O Sanhedrin Rabbi

I have a confession to make

I’ve just committed a Thought Crime

Repentant I come

Loud and clear, I declare :

Mossad are not the Terrorists, no no no, Heavens no, they are not.

Terrorists are not the Mossad, no no no, G-d forbid

To further help my fellow activists not to fall the way I did, I would offer a word of advice:

Dear members of Palestine Solidarity Movement worldwide, in order to be protected from committing any kind of thought crime, and in order to  be accepted in the Movement as good, law abiding, free-thinking, mind-uncontrolled members, please take note of the following:

Remember:  when you are presented with“evidence” that Mossad used controlled explosion in a false-flag terrorist attack  in London no less, bombing their OWN
embassy
, and framing two innocent Palestinians to rot for twenty years in prison… remember to refute such “hateful accusation” and point your finger towards the person who sent you the information and shout out loud, “anti-Semite”.

Remember: when you come to learn that Mossad has been involved in countless numbers of false-flag operations, and when you hear some people whispering: “we need independent investigation to reexamine the evidence of possible Mossad involvement in 7/7 and 9/11“…  remember to silence such “hateful” “anti-Semitic” accusations by using the mantra you have been successfully trained to repeat and shout out loud  “Conspiracy Theorist“,

Remember that Foxman’s ADL has been struggling  to fight and curtail the rampant anti-Semitism which -for no particular reason- has been sweeping the globe since thousands of years. Your helping hands will go a long way to improve the good work of his agency.

Remember that Islamized Hollywood and Arabized Main Stream Media with its relentless antisemitic programs, articles and movies, is promoting Mooooslims and Islam, and inciting hatred against Jews. This malevolent form of racism is growing completely out of hand, every effort on your part to stop such racism will no doubt accelerate the end of suffering of Palestinians, bring them freedom and make their dreams a reality. Sure.

Remember that Muslims do control alllll of our education system. They prevent students from learning the Holocaust and the history of Jewish suffering, and prevent the world from knowing about the endlessssssss bombing of “innocent Israeli and non-Israeli Jews” by millions of rockets, and the astronomic amount of anti-Jewish hate crimes popping out in every little corner of the world. In such difficult times the ADL would sure appreciate your moral support and more so your cash $$$$$, and foremost you must remember to hunt down the hidden mouth-frothing anti-semites, and expel them from the Palestine Solidarity Movement.

Remember: when you show clips such as this, make sure that you explain to the audience that such acts of cruelty by “Israeli” soldiers are very limited and almost insignificant, try to make the viewers understand that most Israeli-Jews are graceful, peace-loving, highly ethical, extremely modest, kind and hospitable people.

When you organize any activity, make absolutely sure that people distinguish between:

Zionism (a racist nationalistic movement which claims to be Jewish-nationalism but in fact has absolutely nothing to do with Jews or Judaism), and Judaism (which is a race/religion/ culture/ history/ suffering/ morality of the light unto the nation). Palestine is not the “promised land”, and “next year in Jerusalem” chanted at Seder refers to a heavenly Jerusalem in Venus.

Make sure that people differentiate between the un-racist “Israeli” society, and its racist government.

Spare no effort to convince people that by claiming to support Palestine and Palestinians, they only mean by that opposition to Zionism, and absolutely not opposition to Zionists or G-d forbid, opposition to “Israelis”. No, no, we don’t want that, because “our” battle will be over as soon as Israel makes the bombastic declaration that it abandons Zionism. The claim
that Zionism now is meaningless and irrelevant is itself irrelevant.

Make sure that Palestinians stop dreaming of Liberation, remove that word from their vocabulary. Explain to them that their aims are one and the same with the aims of “Israelis”. Help them to see that their aspiration of liberation is unrealistic and would cause grave injustice to “Israelis”, so they omit to support their real aims, and that instead they support your solutions, your aims, your future vision for the region. Convince them to just fight for “Israel” to abandon Zionism, nothing more. Help them to see the humanity of “Israeli” Jews who ethnically cleansed them. Help the understand that “Israeli” Jews are there to stay, so they better lump it or leave it. To this effect they shall only participate in boycott of such things as settlement-grown herbs, and only picket international companies which invest in “Israeli” settlements.

You must make it clear to Palestinians that you are fundamentally opposed to the so called legitimate resistance, and that you only approve of non-violent action.

Remember: when you are told that “Israel” Lobbyist Zionist Patrick Clawson of the influential neo-con Washington Institute for Near East Studies OPENLY  suggests False Flag attack to start war with Iran , Remember that such claims are incitement of racial hatred and profoundly “anti-Semitic”. Yep.

Remember: when you are told that “Israel” attacked USA  and did so more than once   and even killed Americans on duty, and when you are told that it  attempted to blow up the Mexican Congress and when you hear that Jews killed Jews to  force them to leave Arab Islamic lands to immigrate to “Israel, when you hear such insane accusations you should immediately wave the RED flag and shout “anti-Semite”.

Remember, when people hint that they desire to learn, discuss and explore racism against gentiles  in the Talmud, or when they use racist terms such as Jewish-supremacism there is one and only one action that you can do, scream from the top of your head: anti-Semite, for how dare they read the Talmud to begin with?!

 

As for my thought crime, and to make sure that I don’t fall again, and to prevent me from committing such crimes ever again in the future, I will lock my “illegal thoughts” down, I will encircle them inside strictly defined boundaries and promise to shoot any thought caught attempting to escape..

Thus, I hereby affirm that any mention of words such as Jewish, Talmud, Judaic, Jews, Holocaust, Jewish Suffering, Jewish values, Jewish soul  are Holy Words which emanate  from

good Kelipat Nogah  and can only be uttered in utmost adoration and supreme devotion.

I hereby affirm that such Holy Words can only be associated with goodness, righteousness, positive attributes, and heroic admirable adjectives. The said words must never be uttered except in describing the wonderful, the moral and the supreme. Thus, it should only be used when imbedded with rosy images, painted in rainbow colours, adorned with cuddly teddy bears, sprinkled with stars, pink lilies, lilac lavender and rosy flowers.

Furthermore, I hereby affirm that it is forbidden to mention certain words in association with others such as:

The words: “Israel” and Mossad, in association  with False-Flag, 9/11, 7/7

The words: Jewish, Jewish ideology, Talmud, in association with  racism or supremacy,

The words: Jewish-networks, Jewish organizations, Jewish foundations, in
association with the words like power, influence, control, manipulation.

It is just freakin’ forbidden. Period

Remember, the most important thing you should do as an activist and a supporter for Palestine is, be vigilant in ferreting out  and ferociously fighting “anti-Semitism” wherever you find it, whatever it maybe.


Above all, remember that your prime role as a “friend of Palestine” is t be a ferocious zealous “anti-anti-semite”.

Bingo.

[Disclaimer: This article is SATIRE]

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