Topography of my soul


When I was seven,
At gunpoint,
I was driven out of my land, Palestine
A Naksa, survivor, daughter of Nakba survivors
Eyes moist, gazing at the horizon
Fixated towards Jerusalem
Ever since
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When I was seventeen,
My family departed Libya, moved away, as did I
Leaving all my friends behind
“I will not go through this again” I thought
“No more friends, no more love, no more gain
No more loss, no more separation, no more pain” I said to myself
999
At twenty seven,
A stranger in a strange land, London, UK
The chest of my beloved was ripped open
Valve replacement in his heart
Standing by his side in ICU
“I wish it was me under the surgeon’s knife”
“I could cope better, if I took your place”
Anguish, unbearable, legs turn jelly, I fell to the floor
broken_heart_by_starry_eyedkid-1_e1906ae0
At thirty seven,
Gasping for life, in a hospital bed in Whiston
With a fine thread, clutching onto hope
Wavering in and out of existence, for four years
Watching my children growing alone, playing alone
Sobbing at my baby’s daily questions:
“Are you feeling better, mama? Can you give me a bath?
Can you tell me a story? Can we play outside today?”
 “Does that grey colour in your hair mean  you’re going to die soon, mama?”

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At forty seven,
Grieving the sudden loss of my soulmate,
Burying my beloved in Amman graveyard
Frozen, flicking through my memories
Searching every corner of my mind
Digging my heart, carving the kernel of my soul
Maybe, just maybe, I could hear one of Khaled’s heartbeats!
Meet his shadow, touch his hand

Catch a whiff of his scent around

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At fifty seven,
oops, not there yet !
* * *

NO… NO

Don’t get me wrong

I am not complaining, not at all
I am merely describing

The lowest points in time and space

Of the map of my journey, in the valleys of my soul

* * *
The rest is magic
Swaying hills, and gushing waterfalls
Great big mountains with high altitudes
Buoyant meadows and dancing rainbows,
Flowing rivers, pounding oceans, hymns of gratitude
Thank you Allah, Shukran ya wadoud
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The Curse of Chutzpa


chutzpah-1

Gilad Atzmon argues that in order to best support Palestine we must cease to view the Palestinian struggle as “just another apartheid” or “just another colonial project”

What makes the occupation of Palestine “unique” is not the “specialness” of the suffering of Palestinians, nor is it the “uniqueness” of their tragedy or the “importance” of their cause.

What makes it “unique”is the fact that: those Jewish Zionists who occupy Palestine, those Jewish Zionists who support them, and even many of those Jewish anti-Zionists who oppose them view themselves as “unique”.

Many Jewish anti-Zionists view themselves as unique in the sense that they frantically hold on the notion of the “uniqueness” of the “Jewish suffering” and the inevitability of future “multi-holocausts” due to historic, intrinsic and incurable human-condition called “anti-semitism” which is in their view a “special” case of racism of inexplicable “hatred” for Jews.

With a considerable majority, whether hard-core Zionists, soft, liberal, or anti-Zionists, they have acquired a distorted image of themselves, their suffering, their history, their morality, and that of the world.

At the core of this perceived “uniqueness” lies the rotten seed of millennia of indoctrination with the concept of “CHOSEN-NESS” which gave birth to troubling concepts such as the so called “Jewish chutzpa“, the perceived feeling of “exclusivity”, “specialness”“elitism”, and the illusion of having “special mission”, “higher” morality, “superior” intellect, and “unique” history and suffering.

The failure of Jewish communities -liberal and otherwise- to acknowledge, address and deal with this “heritage” in a sincere and healing manner will provoke severe and unavoidable consequences.

As it appears,  many people of those who identify themselves as Jews fail to see the there is a fundamental contradiction and total incompatibility between their claim of humanism and their practices of exclusivity, and their claim of “high Jewish morality” and their real life practices of slander and excommunication when dealing with others whom they disagree with.

How can they talk about such a notion as “Jewish morality” or “Jewish heritage”:

While practicing oppression, either physical -as in the case of Zionist occupiers- or mental and psychological as in the case of anti-Zionists practice of thought oppression;

while viewing “the other” as less able intellectually or morally (i.e inferior) who is in constant need for guidance;

whil
e placing themselves “at the helm” of social progress and imposing themselves as “guardians” of anti-racist campaigns and as “leaders”  of liberation movements;

while
appointing themselves as the intellectual and moral “elite” with the exclusive privilege to define the meaning of words such as racism and the right to identify who is racist or not;

while granting themselves the irrevocable and the unquestionable right to label, ostracize and excommunicate others as they wish;

Those who are engaged in the above appear to lack the most rudimentary qualities of modesty and humility needed to enable us humans to examine and evaluate our own words, actions and thoughts.

Thus they fail to gain the insight needed to self-reflect, self-criticize, self-improve thus to integrate without causing others to feel intimidated or oppressed.

Sooner or later people of the world (Palestinians included) will have to come to face such dreadful reality and deal with it.

.
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